My fingers started swelling for the first time about two and a half months ago. I didn’t really notice at first – I just thought the cold German weather was to blame for my hands being slightly red and uncomfortable.
After a long winter day in Munich, Mr. Meena and I returned to our hotel room and I attempted to take off my wedding band. It was a ten minute long struggle of twisting and turning the ring while grimacing from the pain of the metal squeezing my ring finger. After it was finally off my finger I stopped to wonder why it had gotten so stubbornly stuck in the first place.
It finally occurred to me that my fingers might be swelling from arthritis. I was diagnosed with early onset osteoarthritis nearly a year ago. (Update: I was diagnosed with lupus in January 2017, and we now know that lupus arthritis is actually the cause of my swelling.)
I’ve only been married for two years; I still get pretty excited about wearing my wedding band. I look at it and remember that someone loves me more than anyone else in the world. Sometimes I try to put it on and am refused by already swollen fingers. Other times I slip it on nearly effortlessly only to wonder if I’ll be able to get it off hours later. My fear of swollen fingers often makes me take that circular symbol of love off my hand moments after I put it on.
Right now it’s winter in Germany and I generally go out with my fingerless gloves on and no one would even know if I was wearing my ring – especially since Germans tend to wear theirs on the right hand, anyway. But I know that it’s tucked away at home instead of occupying its rightful place on my finger. I haven’t even bothered to take it out of our safe for weeks now.
Arthritis has already taken several things from me in the year since I was diagnosed and started having real symptoms. It’s taken away my ability to go on long bike rides and wear cute non-supportive shoes. I can no longer chop vegetables by hand if there are a lot of them or they need to be finely minced. I can’t handle the rough cobblestones of small German towns without pain medication. And I have to change my routine to be super ergonomic or suffer the resulting aches.
There are many ways to fight back against this chronic disease. Mr. Meena and I can buy comfy seating with more support, kitchen gadgets that do the chopping for me, or amazing snow boots to help me brave our winter walks. But I can’t hire someone to wear my wedding ring for me, nor would I want to.
I could always get the ring resized at the dealer so that it would fit when my fingers swell and use a ring clip when it doesn’t. But that’s not really the heart of the issue. This disease is a thief and it’s not going to stop stealing things from me.
Above photo by Roberto licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0; modified by My Meena Life.
Featured photo by Stiller licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.
Thank you for sharing your experience of osteoarthritis. As for myself, after a 22 year engagement I was so excited to finally be getting married in 2009, and to wear my wedding ring with pride. Towards the end of last year I was finding it increasingly difficult to remove my ring which eventually became impossible to remove and a month ago had to have my ring cut off. As you can imagine this has caused me so much distress, feeling robbed of my much treasured ring and envious of others still able to wear their wedding rings. I haven't had osteoarthritis diagnosed yet but am awaiting the results of a blood test, and concerned what impact this will have on my life.
You’re very welcome, Suzanne. That is a long time to wait for wear your ring! It’s been a year and a half since I’ve worn mine, and I miss it every day. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re dealing with this too. I have just started medication, so I’m hopeful that will help. I’m hoping that you find resolution for your fingers too.
I've just read this with tears in my eyes as I've now had to start putting mine on a chain around my neck – it's a horrible feeling isnt it 🙁
I w as s diagnosed with lupus this year, I had a flare in January where my hands swelled so bad while wearing my ring that they almost had to cut it, I haven't been able to wear it since out of fear of losing it. We get married in October and my fiancee has mention the idea of enlarging and using the ring clip when my fingers aren't swollen but it's a painful thought. That the ring we purchased that was slightly big to migrate swelling is now to small.
I’m sorry to hear that Whitley. I’ve struggled with my ring for years now – many times I have to try to accept that I can’t wear it during flares when my fingers swell. I did have it enlarged and now it’s still too small most of the time :/ The ring clip could be a good idea – I considered that myself. I hope you find a good solution. Have you been able to find good lupus resources or a support group since you’ve been diagnosed? Let me know if I can help you, I know the period after a diagnosis can be really tough. Sending you love.